


Love is Painful

by Eirynsophia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst Prompt, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Pain, abused!kuroo, kurotsuki - Freeform, kurotsukki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 11:38:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20425358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirynsophia/pseuds/Eirynsophia
Summary: Is it really love when you experience pain? Should you even be feeling pain if it's love?Kuroo doesn't know. He doesn't know anymore.Years of being in an abusive relationship made him oblivious to the true meaning of love. He wasn't even sure if it's the pain or the person he's in love with anymore. Thinking that his punches and kicks were signs of him showing affection.





	Love is Painful

Is it really love when you experience pain? Should you even be feeling pain if it's love?

Kuroo doesn't know. He doesn't know anymore.

Years of being in an abusive relationship made him oblivious to the true meaning of love. He wasn't even sure if it's the pain or the person he's in love with anymore. Thinking that his punches and kicks were signs of him showing affection. 

He was twisted, he was mental for craving the kind of pain people would get out of a relationship for receiving.

He was insane, he was pathetic. To the point that when the police and medics came bursting into their home after reports of his lover beating him up like a pulp to the point that he couldn't stand, he felt more worried for his abuser than his limping self.

Tsukishima-- Kuroo's friend from volleyball club in highschool, who was also part of the forensics team that came into his home--pitied the raven haired boy who he was restraining from running to the abuser who is now handcuffed and being escorted to the police car.

"Kuroo-san! Kuroo-san! Calm down! Its me, Tsuki!" He said as he held Kuroo's head, forcing him to look at him. Kuroo calmed down for a moment, recognizing the blonde-haired middle blocker he met in highschool as his eyes begin to water. "It's okay, Kuroo-san. You're safe now." Tsukishima said in a soft, calming voice but Kuroo shook his head as he cried out.

"No, no, I don't need saving. I'm not even in danger! Don't arrest him, please! Get him out of that car! Bring him back! Please!" Kuroo begged as he tried to crawl out of the apartment but Tsukishima just held him closer. 

Tsukishima looked at his colleague and nodded. His colleague quickly understood and took out a syringe, handing it to Tsukishima who immediately injected it into Kuroo who fell asleep a few minutes later.

He stood up with a sigh as he looked at the pitiful Kuroo who had multiple bruises and scars covering his body, a few fractured bones he suspected but wasn't quite sure how many still. 

He took out his phone and dialed a number of a mutual friend they had as his colleagues transported him to the ambulance and to the hospital.

"Kei." A soft voice answered.

"Akaashi-san, I've found Kuroo-san." He said plainly. He heard a gasp on the other line before hearing footsteps and ruffles--he's probably just dressing up.

"I need to tell this to Bokuto. Where are you, Kei?" He asked.

"I'm at their apartment. I'm investigating for evidence that would lock the fcker of a lover Kuroo-san had. I'll make sure they'll never get to see each other again after what he's done." He said as he examined the room. Bottles of beer scattered all over the place, as well as clothes that Kei wasn't sure of was clean or dirty. Blood staining the walls and some of the furniture, chains, ropes and a baseball bat. There was even a doggie plate on the corner that still had spiled food and water on it. The messy apartment itself was evidence of the abuse. "He's at M hospital. Look after him, please."

"Of course, Kei. See you then." Akaashi said as he bid his goodbye.

***

"I can't believe he did this to him." Akaashi grunted as he wiped a damp towel over Kuroo's bruised arms. He felt sorrow at the sight of his friend, not expecting to see him like this after years of disappearance.

"No wonder we couldn't contact him, that fcker has been treating him like a punching bag." Bokuto said with gritted teeth, anger filling up his system after finding out what had happened to his best friend. "I swear, if I get my hands on that guy, he wouldn't see the light of day ever again." He said and punched the wall to let out his anger, making the two jerk with the sound.

"Bokuto, calm down." Akaashi said as he took his boyfriend's hand and wiped his bleeding knuckles with a handkerchief.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he'll rot in jail for what he's done." Tsukishima said, reassuring the two of Kuroo's safety.

"What are we going to do with him though? He seems to have lost his mind after all the abuse." Akaashi said, referring to what he has witnessed earlier when Kuroo first woke up. 

Kuroo woke up abruptly, his eyes red and blank, searching around the room. Searching for someone in a restless manner. His gaze passes through his two friends, failing to recognize them except for Tsukishima, whom he lunged at with all his might that resulted with him falling off the bed and onto the floor in front of the blonde-haired man--forgetting that his lower limbs were broken.

With tears in his eyes he begged Tsukishima where his lover was and pleaded that he was innocent and that he didn't do anything bad to him (despite it being so blatantly obvious that he's is).

He was a mess--Akaashi thought to himself. He was getting out of control, screaming and begging, pulling on Tsukishima's clothes to make him see his lover to which Tsukishima declined. He can't ... They should never meet again.

They couldn't calm him down from his outburst so they did the only they they could think of--making him sleep.

A dose of droperidol was enough to make him sleep and helped them tie him down to the bed to further avoid him from hurting himself further. A dose of anti-psychotic drugs was also given as precaution.

Stockholm Syndrome, the doctor's conclusion to Kuroo's condition. The reason why he's been craving for the presence of his abuser despite almost being killed with a broken beer bottle before the police arrived. That despite all he's been through, he still had the guts to say he loves him.

The doctor had suggested counselling to help him get back to his normal state. The three had no choice but to agree and made the decision that they'll each take turns looking after their friend.

But of course, the most important thing for them right now is to lock up that fcking monster forever.

A few weeks later, a trial against Kuroo's abuser was held. Tsukishima, along with the prosecutors had given enough evidence for the court to rule him guilty of attempted murder and for traumatizing the victim to the point of insanity.

They won. No re-trials. The monster was sentenced for 40 years in jail, a minimum for the crime he has done--Tsukishima thought.

The wasn't the end. They had a bigger problem.

And that bigger problem is a raven haired man who has been begging for people to inflict pain onto him. The doctor said that he's grown too accustomed to the beatings that he craved so much of it after he has been saved. It has become a part of his everyday life that he felt bewildered to not be numb or in pain.

The doctor said the kind of counselling he needed might take long and it needed all of their efforts to bring back the Kuroo Tetsurou they once loved and cherished, to be free from this masochistic psycho in front of them.

"We'll do everything it takes." Said Bokuto and the two had agreed.

***

Several months has passed and thankfully, improvements were slowly starting to show. Kuroo has started recognizing them and is slowly starting to understand the situation he was in. He was even able to hold a proer conversation but the craving for pain to be inflicted was still there. 

At times he would try to bang his head on the wall if no one would hit him which leads to them sedating him to calm down. At times, they would try to restrain him with their own bodies--with Bokuto holding most of Kuroo so that he wouldn't end up hurting the other two in the process.

They couldn't help but pity him. They felt guilty, felt as if they could've done something way back before all of this happened.

And the person who thought of it the most was Tsukishima--Kuroo's previous lover.

Day by day Tsukishima has been blaming himself for what has happened to Kuroo. From the day that he disappeared until now that they were helping him. He knew that part of this was his fault.

Maybe ... Just maybe if I didn't break up with him, he wouldn't have searched for someone else and wouldn't have ended up in that monster's hands. If only he held on to him more. He thought.

"Kei ... You need to be strong. For Kuroo-san." Akaashi said as he held Tsukishima's shoulder with a smile.

"This is my fault. He wouldn't be in this state if I held on to him before ..." Tsukishima said, tears building up in his eyes making his emotionless facade slowly break in front of his friends.

"It wasn't your fault, Kei. You just wanted to follow your dream." Bokuto, who was standing by the door across them said.

"Still, I made a promise that I'll stay with him and we'll get through this together but I ... I let him go just like that. This ... This is all my fault." Tsukishima sobbed into the sleeve of his coat. "I wish I didn't leave him. I wish I would've stayed. I wish I would've--" he whimpered. 

"Oh Kei ..." Akaashi said and pulled the blonde man into an embrace. He knew how hard it has been for Tsukishima since the day they broke up.

Tsukishima wanted to follow his dream and juggling his time between his studies and his relationship was slowly taking a toll on him. He couldn't handle giving attention to both. He had no choice but to let go one of them and unfortunately ... It was Kuroo.

He never wanted to end it at that but they were still young, they were still immature. He wanted to show his love for Kuroo but he couldn't give him as much attention as he was demanding. He couldn't handle it all ... he had to stop.

That day is still etched in his mind. It was snowing on the last day of the winter break, at the park where their schools meet half-way. The place where they would always meet to have dates ... was the place he decided to end it.

"Kuroo-san, I'm sorry."

"What are you being sorry for, Tsukki?"

"I'm sorry for not fulfilling the promise. I'm sorry for not being able to give you everything that you deserve ... I'm sorry."

"I don't understand. Why are you apologizing? Why ... why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry, I have to say goodbye."

"What? Tsukki, don't ... please don't ..."

"I'm sorry ..."

He ran.

"TSUKKI! TSUKISHIMA! KEI! COME BACK! PLEASE!"

He never did.

He never answered Kuroo's calls since that day.a

A year later, he found out through Akaashi that he was dating someone new. He felt his heart turn heavy at the news but took a deep breath and smiled. 

"Good for him." He said but his voice was as dead as ever. He still loves him, he admits. He wasn't even sure if he'll ever move on. He's never loved anyone as much as him so the news that Kuroo went missing became a nightmare for him.

He risked his studies searching for him but to no avail. There was no trace. They couldn't even contact the guy he was dating.

Until 8 years later, in an old apartment building outside of the city a report was filed about a man abusing his lover. The tenants were worried that bruises never left the guy's body and that every night was very noisy. No one wanted to interfere until they noticed that guy hasn't been going out for almost a week. Worried that he might be dead, called the police for help.

"I'm so sorry ..." Kei whispered though whimpers. He sobbed onto Akaashi's shoulders until he felt a tug on his sleeve. He opened his eyes and saw that it was Kuroo tugging on his sleeve.

"Don't cry ... Kei." He said in a weak tone--probably due to the sedative.

Tsukishima couldn't hold it any more, he let go of Akaashi and burst out crying as he held Kuroo and Kuroo doing the same, holding him in his arms.

"We'll be getting some food." Bokuto said as he escorted Akaashi who was teary eyed at the two.

Tsukishima kept on apologizing as Kuroo rubbed his back to help him calm down.

"It's okay ..." Kuroo whispered.

"No, it's not." 

"Yes it is. I'm no longer there, I'm here right? The safest place I'll ever be." Kuroo said and smiled weakly.

"But you wouldn't have experienced that if it weren't for me." Tsukishima said as he rubbed the tears from his eyes.

"No one knew that it would happen. You only did it for your dream. I ... I was only a hindrance to your dream. If you never let me go, you wouldn't be where you are now."

"But--" Tsukishima was to protest but he was shushed.

"Don't loiter in the past. It's already over. Let's just focus on the coming days ..." Kuroo said and Tsukishima smiled.

"I love you still, Kuroo-san." Tsukishima said and he noticed that Kuroo's face turned gloomy.

"I don't ... know if I feel the same ..." Kuroo said with a confused face. Being with that monster for years, made him confused about the feelings he has ... He wasn't sure of any of it.

"It's okay. You're here now. We have all the time in the world and I'll use all that to make you feel my love and get your in return." Tsukishima said and held Kuroo's hand. "Like the way we used to ... or maybe even more."

"I'll be looking forward to it." Kuroo said and smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been my first hq fanfic and it's about KuroTsukki! I saw the prompt on twitter and wrote this on the spot.  
I'm sorry if there were mistakes or whatnots. I just wrote what was on my mind.


End file.
